Everybody is Struggling
“Maybe that’s where we begin. Acknowledging that everybody is struggling, and choosing to see each other through the lens of dignity.”
June has been a busy month for our Dignity Index team, with presentations and workshops stretching from Arizona, Utah, and Chicago, to Virginia, Maryland, New York City, and Rhode Island. And India (!) – where my colleague Alicia Burke and I traveled to lead a series of workshops with corporate leaders in Ahmedebad.
This was my first visit to India, and while I was excited for the opportunity, I was also a bit anxious. I hadn’t flown overseas in almost 30 years, and I was especially worried about adjusting to the time difference. We left New York around 10pm and roughly 20 hours and two airports later, during the last middle-of-the-night airport connection, fatigue really started to set in.
As I went through the security screening, overloaded with heavy bags, I accidentally bumped into the man in front of me – not once, but three times. When I apologized (for the third time), embarrassed and overwhelmed, he calmly collected his own bags, and with a bit of weariness turned and said, “It’s okay. Everybody is struggling.”
I was touched by his comment. Everybody is struggling. No irritation. No anger. Just patience and grace.
Those words stayed with me throughout my India visit. I found myself looking at my daily interactions through that lens, becoming curious about the challenges and life circumstances of those around me and wondering how they might be struggling. I felt a softening of my attitude. It prompted me to be more patient with not just others, but with myself too.
As soon as I returned home, I began preparing for another trip. Tom Rosshirt and I were scheduled to present two sessions on the Dignity Index at the end of June – one to Israelis in Jerusalem and another to Palestinians in Ramallah. Then on the evening of June 12, we heard news of Israeli strikes on Iran. We knew immediately the trip would be canceled, and the next morning we joined a scheduled zoom call and talked for 90 minutes with our friends and hosts – hearing about their lives in the hours since the air raid sirens first sounded.
We had been talking with each other for months as we prepared for our visit, and at one point one of the directors – a longtime member of an institute dedicated to building leadership for those managing conflict – told us, “The approach of ignoring conflict vs. managing conflict contributes to the conflict itself.”
As I interpret it, she’s saying that if we can meet with the people on the other side… if we can speak up for what we believe in without expressing hatred… if we can stay in the conversation, hearing the differences and still treating the other side with dignity, we have a chance to ease our divisions. If instead, we drop the conversation, turn our backs, and dismiss the other side as evil – we’re giving up on the chance for peace.
It's a matter of knowing that hatred comes from being wounded, and the only way to ease hatred is to meet it with understanding. It reminds me of something Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once wrote:
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
Maybe that’s where we begin. Acknowledging that everybody is struggling, and choosing to see each other through the lens of dignity. It’s a small but powerful shift. And something we all can do.
Tami
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