The Magic of Dignity
By: Tami Pyfer
A few months ago, after I had presented the Dignity Index to a group of people who work with at-risk teenagers, a woman asked to speak to me out in the hallway, away from the group. My immediate thought was that I might have said something that offended her. But when we stepped away from the group, tears welled up in her eyes as she said, “Thank you so much for this presentation. Things are really hard right now. I feel I’m getting attacked. My work is being mocked. Even with family members. You’ve given me the language I’ve been looking for to describe what I’m feeling. My dignity is being violated. Now that I can name it, I can do something about it. Thank you.” We shared a hug and I left the conference with immense gratitude and hope.
I get a lot of moving comments from people who learn about the Dignity Index, but this was the first time I’d heard someone describe the personal impact of the Index this way – giving them the words to understand and talk about the pain they are feeling.
Dr. Donna Hicks, whose book Dignity was foundational to our development of the Dignity Index, recently recounted to us the moment she landed on dignity as the underlying concept in her work in international conflict resolution. She said she had been working with opposing factions sitting together at the table when someone erupted in anger. Donna said: “Those are deep emotions. Can you tell us what was going on for you?” Their response was, “Emotions?! This isn't about emotions. This is about justice. This is about identity. This is about inclusion!”
Donna said that after this interaction she began searching for the right words to use to get people to understand and talk about the pain they’re experiencing. She said that, “in what was like an epiphany,” she landed on the word dignity. “There's magic surrounding that word, because the minute I mentioned [people’s] dignity, they sat up straighter. They’d say, Yeah, I'll talk about that. I'll talk about our dignity.”
As soon as people learn the language of dignity, they become more sensitive to how they treat others.
One of the most poignant comments I received after a presentation came two years ago following a keynote I gave to a group of politically engaged women in Nevada. “I know exactly what I’m going to do when I get home,” a woman in the audience said. “A friend and I disagreed sometime last year. I had written her a letter that caused a rift. I had meant no disrespect but I’m going to call her today and apologize. She had just wanted me to be open to a discussion and she was right.” I was speechless. A wave of gratitude overcame me as this woman – with courage and humility – modeled the SEVEN behavior that I strive for, but so many times can’t quite get right!
The more sensitized I have become to the language of dignity and contempt, the more aware I am when I fall short. I’m not talking about dipping into the TWO and THREE range of the scale, but about the times when I feel criticized or marginalized and my thoughts and words almost reflexively hover on that FOUR border between contempt and dignity: I dismiss someone as not worth talking to, accuse or question their motives, or most often – I just stop listening. I’m eager to argue my position but tune out theirs. It’s one of my greatest challenges.
Thankfully, I’m not alone! In my travels and even email conversations with our growing dignity community I’m lucky to hear the insights, and struggles, and successes of people just like me. Last year, as we ended the ten-month project of our National Citizens Panel, we heard from members who had spent the year scoring political speeches during the 2024 campaign. Many of them offered encouraging words, and I wanted to share this comment that inspired me deeply:
I used to think that if I disagreed with someone I should just stay quiet, it was better to keep the peace and not hear more of something that I don't agree with. I realize that my silence was dismissing them, I was being contemptuous. Now I want to dig deeper, I want to hear more. And navigating those conversations isn't scary anymore. Frankly, the Dignity Index helped me put words to a conviction I have always had – everyone has inherent worth. And now I can use language to show others that I see their worth, not just based on our similarities but the ways we are different.
It’s both humbling and thrilling to hear from people I train in the Index who come to understand the insights better than I do. I couldn’t be more grateful. Thanks to all who’re becoming part of the dignity movement!
Tami
Dignity Updates
Tim Shriver recently joined Deseret News for a powerful conversation about the future of our country, and why dignity has to be part of the equation. In the video, Hope for the Future, Tim talks candidly about division in politics, how contempt is rewarded in today’s culture, and why real leadership may not come from Washington at all.
If you’ve been feeling the weight of it all, or wondering if there’s a better path, take a few minutes to read the article and watch the interview. It’s honest, hopeful, and a reminder of what most Americans still want: to feel seen, safe, and respected.
After seeing journalist (and friend of the Dignity Index) Amanda Ripley’s take on public meetings in polarized times, Tami joined the conversation with a few lessons of her own.
In this video, she shares insights from her own experiences navigating tension and disagreement in public forums. It’s a quick, grounded look at how we can approach divided spaces with more awareness and dignity. Watch HERE.
What’s New at Dignity HQ?
Big things are coming! Keep an eye out for our upcoming online storefront (yes, merch is finally happening!) and a new self-paced learning experience called "Inside the Dignity Index," a workbook for anyone wanting to dig deeper into The Dignity Index.
The Ambassador Program is open!
We’ve had such a great response already! Thank you to everyone who’s signed up to be part of this growing movement! If you’re just hearing about it now, good news: we’re still welcoming new Ambassadors!
As an Ambassador, you’ll get early access to new campaigns, invites to monthly Zooms with our team and special guests, entry into merch giveaways, and a spot in a private group creating real change.
Sign up 👉 HERE