A Time to Choose

By: Tim Shriver

It would be hard to imagine a more unlikely series of political events than those of the last few days and weeks.

Between a tumultuous debate, an attempted assassination, a presidential withdrawal, and a new major party nominee in waiting, we’ve watched what feels like an action movie with almost everything but a car chase. Maybe that’s next. 

But what’s equally surprising is that both political parties are claiming a new message: unity.

Former President Trump announced he was all in for uniting the country at the Republican National Convention. “The discord and division in our society must be healed,” Trump said. “We must heal it quickly. As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate and a shared destiny. We rise together. Or we fall apart.”

Similarly, Vice President Harris has staked her claim to her party’s nomination on her commitment to transcending divisions: “Our unity is our strength,” she posted in July. “And our diversity is our power. We reject the myth of 'us' vs. 'them.' We are in this together."

For us at UNITE, this is a wonderful turn.

Six years ago, we founded an organization dedicated to easing divisions in the country. And we developed a disarmingly simple idea about how to do it.
 

Treat each other with dignity – especially when you disagree. If we use more dignity, it makes it possible to prevent violence, heal divisions, and solve problems.

But there is no agreement on what unity means, or how you get it. And so there is no shared view on how to watch politicians who say they’re for unity – and hold them accountable for keeping their promise. 

That might be why most Americans don’t believe Harris or Trump on this issue. We hear them call for unity but we don’t trust them. A majority of Americans are starving for a change in our politics, but we’re skeptical that political leaders can or will lead it.

Over the last year we’ve been traveling the country promoting the Dignity Index and we’ve learned one thing from all sides of the political spectrum: if former President Trump or Vice President Harris really want to unite our country, they’re going to have to treat the other side with more dignity.

Every time we present the Dignity Index, people respond almost unanimously with the same reaction: we don’t want so much contempt in our lives. And quickly, they ask, “how do we get our political leaders to use more dignity?”

The answer is simple: we have to reward those who use dignity and for those who use contempt, make it backfire.

We’re inviting both parties to challenge their leaders to use more dignity. Here’s how you’ll know if they’re doing it or not:

Speaking with dignity invariably includes a willingness to listen to the views of the other side (a FIVE on the Dignity Index). Watch for this.

Do the candidates ever listen carefully to the view of people who don’t vote for them – not sneering, not rolling their eyes? Do they make a point not to use names or negative labels? Do they even insist that the other side has a right to be heard and listened to?

When we’re listening to someone who’s on the “other” side, we’re often on guard and ready to pounce. Without a willingness to listen intently and speak openly, without contempt, unity is impossible.

Dignity will also be marked by efforts to find common values and interests with the “other” side (a SIX on the Dignity Index). Think of any of the most commonly divisive issues—abortion, guns, the border, or any other one.

Think of the people who are not on your side on these issues and imagine them speaking about the values they share with you. Harris and Trump won’t agree on policy choices but they almost certainly share some values.

Articulating what’s shared is a powerful way of reducing contempt and hatred. And it’s the only way we create a basis for cooperation.

Speaking with dignity will include mentions of where your side may be wrong or at least an open acknowledgment that you and your side might be wrong (a SEVEN on the Dignity Index). This is a tough one.

Political leaders are usually punished for admitting mistakes or for being open to being mistaken. Yet this is among the most disarming and effective ways of reducing divisiveness and polarization – the ability to be self-critical, admit mistakes, even admit how we might be contributing to the problem. A little humility is a healing tonic for fear and contempt.

When others try to incite anger and exploit it, let’s hope Trump and Harris see beyond that and try to defuse it with a little humility.

Finally, speaking with dignity at its best will include some mention about our shared humanity and the inherent worth of those on the other side, even when you disagree most powerfully (an EIGHT on the Dignity Index).

In a conflict, it’s powerful to remember that the other side has dignity, was created with dignity, and deserves to be treated with dignity. A uniter doesn’t pass along hatred but rather transforms it. Our leaders don’t have to agree with each other on anything, but seeing the good in each other will make everything better.

EIGHT might sound unreachable, but if someone treats you with contempt, and you treat them with dignity in response, that’s an EIGHT. We all do it sometimes. We can try to do it more often. The impact can be stunning.

We’re in a moment.

The presidential race is upside down. Events have thrust us into a vortex of uncertainty. The conventional political wisdom isn’t holding. Something new is possible.

I’m of the belief that the winner of the presidency will be the leader who comes closest to being a uniter. Scoff if you will. “That’s impossible…Neither Harris nor Trump will do it…Politics is too vicious.”

I don’t believe any of that to be true. Our country is starving for a change.

I’ve spent a large portion of my life with the athletes and volunteers of Special Olympics who remind me every day that treating others with dignity can release a wave of positive energy capable of changing the world. 

Americans are ready for that positive energy. We’re exhausted by contempt, fed up with hatred, tuning out the demonizing. If given a choice, a large swath of Americans will vote for the person who offers a credible and serious effort to unite us.

Both candidates have said the same thing. The one who really means it – and acts on it – will win.

In unity,
Tim

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