Connections

By: Tami Pyfer

My work with the Dignity Index keeps me on the road (or in the air) pretty often, and last week found me on a flight to Southern California. Seated next to me was a young woman, maybe in her mid-30’s, who took out her laptop and focused on her work, something which is also now my routine. I’ve pretty much given up the small talk I used to make while traveling in exchange for the satisfaction of clearing dozens of email messages from my inbox. 

About an hour into the flight, my seatmate looked up from her screen, leaned over to me, and said, “Excuse me, I know you’re busy, but if you have a second… I’m about to hit ‘send’ to submit my dissertation, and I just wanted to share this moment with someone.” Wow. My heart melted. I was so moved by her simple request. And humbled and grateful! I proceeded to share my genuine joy and enthusiasm and pride in her accomplishment as if she were my own daughter. We spent a bit of time discussing her research topic, which, to my delight, was directly related to my own work this past year with women in political leadership roles. Topics I had just skimmed were explored in depth in her dissertation. I was thrilled to make this connection! 

I reflected on this experience for the duration of my trip and thought about how much my mom would have loved this story. My mom was the master of these types of connections – she called them her "small world" stories. She had an uncanny ability to piece together some form of connection between nearly anyone, anywhere. That random young woman selling orange juice at a roadside stand in Florida? Turns out she was the daughter of an old friend of my Mom’s from rural Utah. My nephew’s girlfriend? Mom knew her grandmother when they lived in Davis, California. You get the picture.

The remarkable thing about my mom was that when there wasn’t an obvious connection, she just created one. I remember once as we drove home from a family trip from eastern Idaho to northeastern Montana, we came upon a suitcase on the side of the Interstate – obviously fallen from someone’s car-top luggage carrier. Dad pulled over. Mom rescued the suitcase. We took it to the nearest town, and used the name and address on the luggage tag to ship it back to its owner… a grateful woman who then exchanged Christmas cards and letters with Mom for the next 30 years.

In a new report titled The Connection Opportunity, our friends at More in Common note that “Americans today are yearning for connection.” They find that despite the polarization in our country, most people find value in engaging with people different from themselves: 70% of Americans feel a responsibility to connect with people whose backgrounds and viewpoints differ from their own, and 66% believe they can learn a lot from these interactions.

“Connection across lines of difference,” they write, “or… connection between people who do not share the same backgrounds or beliefs—is at the heart of the challenge of overcoming social isolation, strengthening community life, and building an America where everyone can feel they belong.” More in Common's research suggests several practical strategies for individuals and communities in their work to bridge divides and strengthen connections.

This past week, we were lucky to have almost all of our Dignity Index team together in Salt Lake City, strengthening our own connections. Members of our team came from California, New York, Massachusetts, Washington D.C., and Utah to mark our progress, coordinate our activities, and plan our next steps.

We were able to hear Tim teach about dignity and connection and belonging to numerous audiences as part of his engagement as an Impact Scholar with the University of Utah. We listened and learned and laughed together, connecting in ways that just can’t happen online! 

In our 2021 book The Call to Unite: Voices of Hope and Awakening, Tim writes: 

“Every one of us is eager to be part of some circle that excludes us. We want to be in the in-group and flee the out-group. We want to be with these people and separate from those people. So we seek belonging for ourselves by denying it to others. And that’s exactly backward. We get belonging by giving it. The most joyful people I have ever met – the people I revere and want to be like – seem to carry their belonging inside them. They are never trying to push their way in. They’re never trying to force anyone out. They don’t see themselves as separate. They’re not trying to be superior. They open up and take everyone in.”

This is where I feel I can improve—connecting with and extending belonging to others. 

Yesterday I flew again to California, where I spent the day making new connections with a remarkable group of young people poised to change the world. On my flight I struck up a conversation with my seatmate. 

She had recently lost her mom, she told me, and was on her way to visit her siblings.  “Where do you live?” I asked. “Montana,” she told me. “Montana!?” I exclaimed with joy. “I grew up in Montana!” As we visited, we discovered that her longtime work colleague was my high school classmate and friend. Of course he was! I am my mother’s daughter.

Tami

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What Dignity Means to Me 🎥

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University of Utah Impact Scholar Visits

As part of his engagement as an Impact Scholar at the University of Utah, Tim and the team were able to participate in numerous events this week. The University values its role as a community partner and these events are intended to reach as many students and community members as possible.

Tim spoke with students at the Hinckley Institute of Politics, hosted by Natalie Gochnour, Director of the Kem C. Gardner Policy Institute.

One of the community events was with Biohive -- a public-private partnership that brings together over 1,100 companies working in the life sciences and healthcare innovation space in Utah. Hosted by Biohive Director Aimee Edwards, University of Utah President Taylor Randall and Biohive Chair Cindy Dunkle talked with Tim about the role of dignity in creating positive work cultures. 

Tim spoke with students and faculty at Brigham Young University, and then joined Paul Edwards from the Wheatley Institute in discussing how dignity aligns with peace-making practices, and what this looks like on a university campus. 

Our last event was at Utah Valley University where Tami moderated a discussion with Tim and former Utah Governor Gary Herbert, who Tami worked for as Education Policy Advisor. Four years ago Tim was the inaugural speaker at the Herbert Public Policy Institute and it was great to have them together again speaking about managing political differences with passion and principle and dignity!

Other activities included press interviews, soccer practice with SheBelongs–a team for young refugee women, a visit with our friend and partner Chi Kim to schools implementing the Dignity Index, and meetings with locally elected officials and other education leaders.