Consecrate Yourself

For years, we’ve been worried that a culture of contempt would produce an increase in violence. Tragically, we’ve seen exactly that in recent weeks.

We’ve also been worried that divisions among family and friends would intensify. The headlines over the last few weeks have confirmed that too—that increasing numbers of Americans report giving up on healing our nation’s wounds and solving our nation’s problems. The tears of grieving children and broken families, and broken friendships are all around us. We’re a country in pain.

If I’ve learned one truth over the years, it’s that pain can’t be avoided. All of us will experience pain, and no one has a choice. But I’ve also learned we do get to choose our responses to pain. And we do have the option of transforming pain into healing. But few of us are taught how to do that. For the most part, we’re told that our options are just fight or flight, and of course, neither of those transforms or heals anything.  

We need to add a third option to “fight or flight,” and I think of it as “light.” Light suggests the capacity to respond to evil or pain by not inflicting evil and pain in return. That’s what happens when people act at level EIGHT on the Dignity Index: they meet attack or aggression with truth-telling and dignity. They stand up for their principles but don’t attack the dignity of the person they oppose.  

That’s “light,” and it’s a superpower because it's the only option that can stop the escalating cycles of violence and contempt without further suffering. It may be rare to respond to pain with “light," but it’s certainly possible. Thank goodness there are still many who are showing us how.

Last week, for example, I was in a room where the philanthropist Tom Golisano was recognizing health care leaders from around the world who have one thing in common: they meet the pain and rejection of patients who have intellectual challenges and they treat them with care and dignity. The way people with intellectual disabilities are mistreated is infuriating and heartbreaking, but on that night, the room was filled with tears as these doctors and dentists and therapists from places as different as Malaysia and Nigeria and Indonesia, and the USA had their stories told.

Dr. Toh Teck Hock made the secret clear: “I just do my best to help stop the injustice.” More than a few of the honorees spoke of bringing light into dark places.  

Treat people with dignity and you bring light: Bingo! Pain transformed.

Dr. Toh Teck Hock

There are many more examples of dignity and light close to home. On September 27, 2025, 13 women in Beaverton, Oregon, helped distribute 250 Dignity Index cards (they ran out!) in front of the public library as part of their “Campaign Nonviolence” effort. Their goal was simple: to have conversations with dignity in their community.

“Since we see so much contemptuous language in the media,” said organizer Mary Ryan-Hotchkiss, “we hope more people will turn to (the Dignity Index).” From reports, light broke out in town that day, and thousands of people were drawn into conversation.

I know there are many others bearing light in this moment, and I’m beyond grateful to them for buoying my spirit and inspiring us all to transform the fear and anger that is so prevalent. There are, of course, many other options before us. Pete Wehner, a prominent writer and faith leader, notes in the current issue of the Atlantic that for many, “politics, especially culture-war politics…gives purpose and meaning to their life, turning them into protagonists in the great drama of pitting good against evil. They are vivified by it. And they reassure one another, time and again, that the dark passions are actually expressions of righteousness. They consecrate their resentments.”

His words stopped me when I read them. “They consecrate their resentments.” And it made me immediately wonder if we couldn’t offer those same people a different way to consecrate their pain. Some feel called to fight—to consecrate their resentments and wage battles. Our movement is about a different path. Maybe there’s some way we could invite them to instead consecrate their dignity and, in the face of danger or pain, offer light.

In our growing dignity movement work, we are called, as Wehner writes, to “be faithful, not successful.” Anger, fear, and revenge are everywhere. I get it.

But when the race is run and pain hands the baton to unbridled anger, the final leg will be violence—emotional or physical violence. And violence is guaranteed to start us on a new cycle of more pain and anger.

That can’t be the best path forward. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. taught years ago that “hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” That’s our hope—that we can choose love and light and dignity, not just as gifts to oppose contempt and violence, but also as gifts to transform the hearts and minds of those who are vulnerable to being consumed by them.

The final leg of our race is the transformative power of dignity. Thank you all for showing us the way.  

Tim

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Dignity in Action

Last month, the Kem C. Gardner Policy Center celebrated its 10th anniversary, and several of our Dignity team members were there to celebrate. The policy center is part of the Eccles Business School of the University of Utah, and has been instrumental in our work—beginning with our pilot of the Index in the fall of 2022, and now through research and program support. Congratulations and thanks to UU President Taylor Randall, and Natalie Gochnour, director of the policy center! Here’s to 10 more years of success!

Left to Right: Dean Kurt Dirks, Natalie Gochnour, Tami Pyfer  |  Preston Brightwell, Tami Pyfer, Samantha Ball, President Taylor Randall

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Tami and Karren were in Duluth last week, presenting at the Minnesota Association of School Administrators. The conference was full of great conversations and examples of dignity practices happening in schools throughout the state. We are already in follow-up conversations, planning more engagement in Minnesota schools!

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Last week Karren also had the chance to connect with the next generation of educators—leading a virtual training with preservice school counselors from UVU and an in-person workshop with preservice teachers from the University of Utah. Both groups were engaged, thoughtful, and eager to bring dignity into their future classrooms and counseling practices. It was inspiring to see their passion for making schools places where every student feels seen, heard, and valued!  

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Want to see dignity in action? The Dignity Community is a space to connect with others, share your stories, and learn how dignity can reshape our everyday interactions.

Click here to join!