Quitter's Day

By: Preston Brightwell

This week’s message comes from Preston Brightwell, Program Associate and co-founder of Students for Dignity.

Did you know that there’s national Quitter’s Day? Observed on the second Friday in January, it marks the point where 80% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions. It’s wild how fast we throw in the towel on these yearly goals—though I can’t say I’ve done much better myself. 

If you’re still on track with your goal to get healthier, cut down on social media, and save more money— Nice! You are probably in the minority. And if like us you’ve resolved this year to approach conflict with less contempt and more dignity, don’t quit!

On those days or moments when practicing dignity is tough, I offer three tips that members of our team are focusing on to make it another day and week and month beyond Quitter’s Day:

As we continue to grow the Dignity Movement, we often focus on how we’re treating others. The Dignity Index itself is meant to measure the language we use in moments of conflict. But the most important dialogue starts within ourselves. It’s fascinating how often people afford high levels of dignity to those they’re in conflict with, yet fail to offer the same to themselves.

I once came upon this rule: “Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” The same concept applies here. As participants in the Dignity Movement, we need to afford ourselves the same dignity we work so hard to show others. By prioritizing self-dignity and rejecting self-contempt, we’ll be better equipped to extend dignity to those we disagree with.

It’s not always easy to exemplify levels SEVEN or EIGHT on the Index in moments of high conflict. But if the goal—or at least the hope—of a disagreement is to reach a positive outcome, contempt will never get us there. As our colleague Donna Hicks has noted, “Dignity is a human phenomenon, our desire for it is our highest common denominator.” You may not hit a SEVEN or EIGHT, but strive to stay at least at a level FIVE to maintain that common denominator.

The concept of Quitters Day shouldn’t be confused with failure. It’s a cliché but it’s true: a goal, resolution, or ambition only ends when you give up on it. The road to success is paved with small failures. We may not always approach our disagreements with dignity. There will be times we say or do things that reflect contempt. But the real failure comes when we quit believing in dignity as the hope for easing divisions.

A Final Reflection

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share the deeper purpose of this work for me. As a follower of Christ, I recommit each week to treating others with dignity because in doing so, I honor how Christ sees them. Whatever spirit or belief guides your interactions with others, I hope it inspires you to carry that same purpose throughout the new year - to build a world with less contempt and more dignity.

Preston Brightwell

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Our "Students for Dignity" Discuss the Dignity Index 🎥 

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The Dignity Movement in Action

Iradakunda and Karren spent the morning training future leaders from middle schools and high schools across the state. The training was hosted by the Arbinger Institute and sponsored by the Utah State PTA. 

Preston and Madeleine joined Jonathan Rauch, author, journalist, and senior fellow at the Brookings Institute to share what brought them to their work with the Dignity Index. Jonathan was in Salt Lake City as a guest of BYU's Wheatley Institute as well as Braver Angels.

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