The Missing Ideal

By: Tim Shriver

I’ve heard it over and over again: “this is going to be a terrible year.” Wars could get worse, divisiveness is everywhere, violence is an increasing risk at home, our mental health is disastrous, and our presidential election is going to tear us apart. “I’m just bracing for chaos, Dad,” my son told me last week. “It’s going to be rough.”

I understand how he feels. We’re being told a story of our country that’s one disaster after another. Tune into the news: the world is descending into war. Tune into politics: it’s all about revenge and division. Tune into social media: snark and name calling get the most hits. Political speech can lead to violence so when we have contemptuous speech, we get more violence. Attacks on our values turn into a desire for revenge, so we feel under attack and we become more vengeful. We’re trapped in a cycle of contempt and hatred. No wonder we conclude that we’re headed for a terrible year.

But I’ve also been around enough people living through tough times to know that it’s not what’s happening around us that matters most. Attitude is what matters—not the things that are happening to us, but the things that are happening within us. The great spiritual teacher Cynthia Bourgeault often reminds us that it’s not what we see but how we see that makes the difference—that the lens we use to focus is more important than the object on the other side of our lens.

Could we see differently? Yesterday, I attended a heartbreaking funeral service for a local Special Olympics star, Will Veerhoff, who died at the age of just 33. Every speaker and everyone in his family repeated the same experience of Will: he had a smile that could change your mood, change your mind, seemingly change the world. No one complained about the challenges of his disability. No blaming the world for the tragedy of Will’s many illnesses. There was just story after story of moments of tension or fear or disappointment that Will turned into laughter and joy. That was Will. 

The writer Peggy Eastman described an encounter with Will when he was a little boy. “I saw Will, the little boy with Down Syndrome across the street, waving to me from the arms of his caregiver and smiling broadly,” she remembers. “In addition to having Down Syndrome, he’d been in and out of hospitals since his birth…I just don’t have time for you today Will, I thought as I headed for the car door. But something made me glance up…I stopped and looked at Will, and as I did so, I felt my facial muscles relaxing… If this little child could give me a smile from his heart when I didn’t deserve it, wasn’t a hug the least I could give him back?”

Eastman crossed the street and gave Will a hug that changed her life. Even as a little boy, Will had that effect: he had an attitude that created a connection even when people didn’t think they had time. Where others saw problems, he just saw others, and wanted to make them smile. His spirit changed everything.  

I’m trying to practice being like Will as we charge into 2024. We don’t just have economic or political or social crises. We also have a spiritual crisis. The danger this year isn’t primarily economic or political or cultural but how we’re seeing each other. So, what if by facing the real crisis, 2024 could be a year of creativity and healing?

Idealistic? 

Maybe. But maybe a little idealism is actually the missing piece. If our spirit needs a boost, then we have to look within, and to each other to address it. We have to confront the lie that there are no ideals worthy of our effort. And we can start right away. First, we have to give ourselves a little space. Disconnect from the phone.  Turn off the TV. Close the screen. Take a break—a day or a week or a month—from the news. Don’t read any headline that triggers your fear or anger. Take a few minutes of silence and notice the space of quiet and even peace within. Pay attention to the deepest ideals that well up from there. When you’re next in a conversation, listen from that deep place—even to those you disagree with—to hear the deepest hopes and dreams that animate their lives too. The solutions we seek on even the most divisive issues are more achievable than we realize.

As I sat in my pew at Will Veerhoff’s funeral remembering all the times he charged up to me in the gym and gave me a long hug—and I mean a long one—I started to cry. I’d missed the power of his smile. I’d been too busy. I’d been focused on other things.

Is that you, too? Is there a Will Veerhoff in your life right now, trying to show you the way to your own spirit? Is there a smile like his trying to awaken you right now? Can you be that smile for a friend or a stranger today? Can you be that spirit for someone else today—someone whose heart might be broken? 

A healthy spirit is the only way to make 2024 a great year. And it’s the only way to ease divisions and prevent violence and solve problems too. Our country needs more Will Veerhoffs and less hatred. Let’s each try to do our part and together, be the difference we all so desperately seek.
 
In unity,
Tim 

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Last week our team had the chance to present the Dignity Index to over 800 business, civic, and government leaders in Utah. Led by one of our Students for Dignity field directors, Preston Brightwell, these community leaders got the chance to try their hand at scoring numerous passages of political speech. With just a short amount of instruction on the Index, their scoring was remarkably accurate—confirming the simplicity and intuitive nature of the scale!

I'm excited to announce that we are working with a national media partner to bring a similar kind of scoring activity to all of you—our UNITE community—and to the rest of the country too! Watch for an announcement in the coming weeks about our weekly Dignity Index Scoring Challenge, and be sure to join us. We can't wait!

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One last recommendation! This song's been stuck in my head for days... and I'm not really in a hurry to get it unstuck!