Building Trust with Dignity
I have a friend who’s a Trump supporter, and I recently sent him something I’d written about Minneapolis and asked him what he thought. He asked me why I wanted his views, and I said that I was trying to write something about our country that amounts to more than me talking to me—or to people who agree with me.
Talking across a political divide can be a tricky process. The first challenge, often implicit, is “can we agree on a set of principles?” The second challenge, often more difficult, is “can we agree on a set of facts?”
Typically, one side’s facts suggest the other side’s actions are not honoring the principles, and the other side either disputes those facts—or advances another set of facts that says their actions ARE honoring the principles. Frequently, each side is advancing facts that the other side would rather ignore, and this can give both sides a wider perspective.
That’s how it is at its best. At its worst, the debate descends into insults. Or there is no debate, people just talk to their own side about how good they are (very very good), and how bad the other side is (very very bad), and they go over a list of the other side’s faults. The convenience of talking to one’s own side is that no one says: “Well, what about THIS?”- and brings up facts that undercut our own claims of perfect virtue.
So, back to my exchange with my friend: I asked him for his views because I trust him. How do I trust someone whose views are so different from mine? I trust him to tell me how he sees things without trying to change my mind, make me feel stupid, or tell me I’m immoral.
If we’re lucky (and skillful and disciplined), we can make it to the point where we say: “tell me where I’m wrong–tell me what I’m missing.” By that time, we’ve gone way beyond trying to win an argument. We’re trying to understand another person.
That’s what’s possible with trust. It’s indispensable to every healthy relationship. And, as you may know, the Edelman Trust Barometer, which has been coming out every year for a quarter-century, measures the trust we have for each other and for our institutions.
As you might imagine, the Barometer shows trust is dropping. The 2026 report expresses concern about “Insularity” – the name they gave to our growing tendency not to trust someone who is different. Only 30 percent are open to trusting people who have different values, different approaches to solving problems, who believe different facts and sources, or have a different culture or background.
In an effort to combat the decline of trust, the Edelman report supplied research on “Trust Brokering” – the art of building or restoring confidence between two sides who don’t trust each other.
How do you encourage trust among people who are different from each other? Edelman asked respondents who already trust people who differ with them and asked them why.
There were four major answers:
“They have an open mind and don’t try to change me.”
“They are transparent about how they differ from me.”
“They helped me in the past.”
“They defended me when I’ve been criticized.”
