By: Tim Shriver

*Eunice Kennedy Shriver with Tim Shriver*

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, expectant mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, mother-like aunts, self-mothers (I just learned that term), and everyone who takes the time to be like a mother to anyone who needs a mother. And a big, huge special happy Mother’s Day to my wife Linda who has been mothering our five extraordinary children with endless love for 38 years!

Happy Mother’s Day, too, to all those mothers in heaven who, like my mom, are still mothering. My mom was a whirlwind of faith and hope and love. I’ll never know anyone like her again. She showered dignity on millions of moms around the world and on me, too. Lucky me.

I’ve often thought of my family as matriarchal—as being led by the mothers. I know there are a lot of men in my family tradition, and they take up a lot of attention. But as a child, I always sensed that my mom and the other mothers in my family were the ones who held us all together. And I think that’s the superpower in a family: love that keeps us tethered to one another.

So today, I want to pay tribute not just to my mother but to those who mothered her—by name. Here are their names at birth:

My mom was Eunice Kennedy

Who was mothered by Rose Fitzgerald

Who was mothered by Mary Josephine Hannon

Who was mothered by Mary Ann FitzGerald

Who was mothered by Mary FitzGerald—who was born in 1765!

And that’s as far as I was able to go! (I’m guessing there are a lot more “Mary’s” going back!)

What does our maternal heritage have to do with dignity? Everything! I think of moms as often being the first people in our lives who treated us with EIGHT level dignity. Our mom is often the first person who saw us as sacred and beautiful and priceless—even though we were just little blobs of hunger and neediness. She loved us when we demanded her attention, when we pooped on her, when we cried endlessly, when we cost her dearly, and when we just refused to obey. She may not have loved us perfectly—no one does. But most of us had our first lesson in being treated with dignity and love from a mom who loved us unconditionally. That’s what an EIGHT on the Dignity Index is all about.

Memory can be a powerful teacher of what it means to treat people with dignity. I remember a moment when I was probably four years old. My mother held my hand, and we walked into the woods near our house, looking up at the huge oak trees, and throwing little sticks into a small stream. We pretended the little sticks were fast boats racing down a river. She cheered her boat but then mine won. “You’re the winner,” she smiled. I held her hand, and all these years later, I know she loved me unconditionally in that moment. That’s a win for life.

Thanks to my mother, I know it’s possible to treat people with love and dignity and to share that gift with others. It’s not something I imagine to be possible; I’m sure of it.

I know some of us have painful relationships with our mothers and still others are deeply disappointed and even angry at our mothers. I get it. It’s not easy to be a mother or a child. Pain creates memories, just like love. To heal the disappointment or sadness caused by our moms can be our life’s work, too. On Mother’s Day, maybe the best we can do is be honest with ourselves about that pain, and then perhaps in that honesty, begin to strengthen and heal and even forgive.

When I was a high school social studies teacher, I’d often ask students to identify a person they admired. I thought they would name great political or social or even sports figures. But by far, the most common answer was “my mother.” The students were unequivocal: “My mom does everything.” “She’s the only one who is always there for me.” “She’s the strongest person I know.” “Without my mom, I wouldn’t be here.” And perhaps the most common, “My mom is the best person in the world.”

Last week, I watched what I thought would be a cute social media video about an imaginary conversation between two babies in the womb. Funny I thought. I’ll give it a look.

I love the ending of this. We all start life with our mothers. They’re “all around us.” And in so many ways, they stay all around us forever.

So happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers in my family: to Eunice and Linda and Rose and Tamara; and to Maria and Malissa and Jeanne and Alina; and to Katherine and Eunice and Tori and to all the amazing mothers of the world.

Thanks for being our first teachers of connection and care and dignity and love. In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m going to try a little harder to love like you, to love like a mom—to find moments when I can be an EIGHT and treat people with dignity and love, no matter what. I know it’s possible thanks to my mom, the best mother in the world.

Tim

Dignity Updates

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Details dropping next Tuesday.