We are not enemies, but friends
I spent last week in Washington, D.C., in planning sessions with our team and participating in other meetings and events related to our work of growing the dignity movement. Inspired by the week, and with an hour to spare, I walked to the Lincoln Memorial for an extra dose of hope before heading to the airport.
Although I have visited the Memorial many times, I’m filled with awe each time I reach the top of the steps and arrive at the massive marble statue of Abraham Lincoln. The inscription behind the statue aptly describes the space not as a memorial but as a temple: In this temple, as in the hearts of the people for whom he saved the Union, the memory of Abraham Lincoln is enshrined forever. A sign at Lincoln’s feet reads “Quiet - Respect Please.” On the north wall is engraved Lincoln’s 2nd Inaugural Address, and on the south, the Gettysburg Address.
On this particular day I was drawn to Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address, which closes with Lincoln’s petition for “a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations,” with the memorable words, “With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds…”
After spending a few moments in reflection and reverence, I started back down the marble steps. Passing me in the opposite direction was a young family making their way up the steps. The mother was helping a toddler, while the father held the hand of a young boy, no older than 4 or 5. They were in animated conversation, and as they passed me, now almost to the top of the steps, the father leaned down to his son and said, “Are you ready for what’s up there?” His son nodded enthusiastically, and their voices trailed off.
I was so touched by this scene and that question: Are you ready for what’s up there? As I thought about how they might have prepared their son for that experience, I began to ask myself, “Am I ready for what’s up there?” Was I ready to hold malice toward none and offer charity for all? How could I live more consistently on the dignity side of the scale that I share with audiences every day?
Despite being deeply engaged in building a dignity movement and teaching the Dignity Index to groups across the country, I can still find this work personally challenging. While I’ve grown more comfortable using dignity skills during political disagreements, I struggle to maintain this mindset when I feel hurt or offended—what Dr. Donna Hicks calls dignity violations.
Donna’s framework of 10 Elements of Dignity describes various ways we can violate or wound others’ dignity. She notes that these violations are often unintentional, but it’s their impact that matters.
Gratefully, the Dignity Index and the 10 Elements of Dignity framework provide strategies and practices to both prevent and repair dignity violations. These include deep and active listening, giving others the benefit of the doubt, making people feel included, taking responsibility for your own actions, validating others’ experiences, and more.
Contemplating the words of Abraham Lincoln made me recommit to the work of using dignity to bind the wounds in our country and in my own relationships, and offer charity for all, malice toward none. For “we are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.”
Tami
Call to Action:
Thank Two Governors for Modeling Moral Courage
Last week at the Washington National Cathedral, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox (R) and Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro (D) shared a stage, disagreed on substance, and did it without contempt. That’s not “being nice”, that’s moral courage in public life. If you appreciate their leadership and treating each other with dignity, let's tell them so. Brief notes from citizens help change incentives. A large group of messages from friends of the Dignity Index will be noticed!
How to add your voice (pick one):
Leave a short voicemail thanking them for engaging without contempt.
Send a quick note via each governor’s official contact form (2–3 sentences is perfect).
Optional: Share a clip/article on social and tag them with a line of thanks. (see IG @disagreebetter's posts: this one or this one)
Contact info:
Gov. Spencer Cox (Utah)
Phone: (801) 538-1000
Online: Use the “Contact the Governor” form on the Utah Governor’s website.Gov. Josh Shapiro (Pennsylvania)
Phone: (717) 787-2500
Online: Use the “Contact the Governor” form on the Pennsylvania Governor’s website.
